Last night, I decided to return to one of my favorite shows pre-Jonah: Call the Midwife. I was in the middle of the 5th season when Jonah was diagnosed with heart block, and I had to stop watching. I just love the show, but it was so triggering! For those unfamiliar with Call the Midwife, it’s a (really good) show…
My mom, Kelly Doornink, is an amazing human who raised me with grace and love, and who just happens to be no longer of this Earth. She died in her sleep on November 12, 2014, at the age of 54 from complications from Type 1 Diabetes. Her blood sugar dipped too low for her body to keep going, and the most…
Tomorrow, on April 22nd, it will be three months since I delivered my precious Jonah into this world, asleep. Although the rawness of that day recedes, it doesn’t become any less traumatic, difficult, grief-stricken, and amazing. Yes, amazing. I am amazed at my body’s capability to push out a small human. I am amazed at the kindnesses I experienced in…
Today was my first holiday without Jonah. Technically there was Valentine’s Day, but I barely celebrate that anyway and was still so deep in the pit of grief, I don’t even really remember it happening. So, I’m counting today as my first. As we were getting ready to drive to my brother’s house for lunch, I couldn’t help but think…
Yesterday and today, I am stuck in the what-ifs. You see, I was on Facebook in one of my support groups, and I found another complete heart block mom. We are super rare, so it’s crazy that I found someone else going through the same difficulties that I did. She found out her little girl had complete heart block and…
Dear Jonah, I haven’t written a letter to you here in a while, but I’ve been thinking about you and carrying you in my heart every moment of every day. I’m now in my 11th week of missing you – that’s almost three months. At first, time felt like it was going so slowly, whereas now, it feels like it’s…
You know those pictures you’ve seen around the web of awesome, strong moms sharing real pictures of their bodies after giving birth? They’re awesome and wonderful and woo, love it, moms! But……notice what a lot of the popular ones have in common? The brave moms who’ve just recently given birth have babies. Here are some examples: A post shared by…
I am working on healing my broken soul, and there’s something you should know about that: it’s a full-time job. You know how, when you have a stressful day or week, you’re really tired afterward? Grieving is like that…on steroids. I’m up, I’m down, I’m in between. I never know when the next spike or dip will happen. It’s like…
I’m a huge reader. I’ve been devouring books for as long as I can remember! In fact, I run a book blog called Literary Quicksand – if you like to read, give it a follow 🙂 Anyway, I’ve turned to books quite a bit over these past couple months to try to make sense of these intense feelings of grief…
