International Bereaved Mother’s Day is today, May 5th, 2019. Every year, this day falls one week before “regular” Mother’s Day. This is my 3rd year being a bereaved mother on this day. It’s surreal that it’s been that long, but here I am. In my first year, just 4 months or so after having Jonah, I remember looking at mamas…
The emotions in my heart as I write this are complicated. There are so many seasons to life, and within that, there are so many seasons to grief. I once heard grief described as a ball bouncing around in a box. There’s a button in the middle of one of the sides of the box. In the beginning, when a…
Jonah’s anniversary of meeting his grandma Kelly in Heaven is 8 days from now, and his birthday is 9 days away. I’m not sure how it’s possible that it’s been a year, but I also feel like it’s been forever since I’ve held my son. Some years fly by while others crawl, and this one feels like it flew. There…
2018 is a bright one so far. We welcomed the new year in with friends last night, so I didn’t wake up until just past 9 AM. I walked out of the bedroom to find a brilliant sun shining in a crystal blue sky. It’s one of those deceiving winter days that makes you think it’s beautiful and beckons you outside,…
It’s no secret that my life has been pretty full of grief lately. I’ve lost my mom, my health, and my first child within the last three years. Despite all of that, I find joy in life. I get up and go to work, I hang out with friends, I smile and laugh daily, and overall, I live with love. Yes, of…
Yikes, it’s been so long since I’ve written regularly! I’m a busy bee. I’m taking a writing class for the next couple of weeks about structuring the personal narrative, and our first assignment was to write an ode to an object. So, naturally, I wrote to bubble baths! Here it is 🙂 Bubble baths, especially lavender ones, are a salve…
October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, and October 15h is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. If you’re reading this and you’re not a loss parent, I want you to know that I am so glad to have you in my life, whether you’re an Internet friend or an in-person friend. You, friend, clicked on this post even…
There’s no question that grief is hard. It takes everything you have just to be a human when you’re deep in grief. It’s physical, it’s mental, and it’s tough. The day that I was lying in my hospital bed waiting for my induction to help me push out my stillborn baby boy, Jonah, I made a decision. We had been…
Published on Still Standing Magazine: How One Facebook Comment from a Stranger Shaped My Grief
September 1, 2017
In the very early days of my grief in January 2017, I started my blog, Letters to Jonah. At first, I used it only for writing letters to my stillborn son. It was my space for pouring my grief into, and everything I wrote was very personal, yet I felt the need for it to be public. I put my own…
I found out I was pregnant with Jonah in the last couple days of July, 2016. That means we’re entering Jonah season. At this time last year, I was battling daily nausea, unable to eat much besides buttered noodles, corn chips, rice, and cottage cheese. I was in the “holy crap I can’t believe I’m pregnant and this is happening”…
